First picture - December 24, 2012. I hardly remember what happened that day. I remember feeling very low and exhausted. Cooking was a challenge for me because it meant I had to stand up and manage different pans and pots at the same time, which I wasn’t really able to do, but my eating disorder wanted me to cook, so that’s what I did. Mum asked me to smile for the camera which I found strange since she had never been the one to take pictures. But I put on a smile and let her take my picture. I can’t remember what I got for Christmas. I can’t remember what I got anyone else. I can’t remember if someone told me anything special. I can’t remember if we laughed a lot or enjoyed each other’s company in silence. I can’t remember if I went to bed early or late. I can’t remember if I felt genuinely happy for even just a second, but I highly doubt it. My eating disorder took everything away from me. The only thing I can remember from that Christmas is what I ate and how many calories it contained, and that is just sad.
Second picture - December 24, 2013. I think it’s safe to say that a lot can change in a year. Christmas this year has been absolutely amazing. I have actually enjoyed going out and buying people their Christmas presents. I enjoyed decorating the tree, baking Christmas cookies, hanging out with my favorite girls, wrapping Christmas presents, cooking amazing food, and just being with my family.
But this has been the hardest year of my life. I have had to climb my way out of a deep and dark whole with close to no help. How I have been able to do that is beyond me. Everything I have done to survive this entire year has lead to this blissful moment of true happiness. I don’t just look happy in this picture, I am happy. When mum asked to take my picture again this year, I turned to her and put the biggest smile on my face. I asked her why she wanted to take my picture, and she told me she wanted to capture this moment forever. She was just so happy to see me happy and healthy again. Then I asked her why she had wanted to take my picture the year before, and her reply shocked me. She said the reason was that she was scared that would be my last Christmas, and she had to take as many photos of me looking somewhat ok before it would be too late. A lot can change in a year. Choose recovery.
Well so much for knowing what I weigh without using a scale. I’m at 135.6 pounds as of this morning, so let’s try to get down to 133 by that appointment, and maybe 130 by the time I go back to school on the 13th!
tipsy warm up - standing with dumbbells to your side, rock back and forth keeping your hips stationary, activating the core muscles warming them up for your workout. knee up crossover - standing with one hand pressed above you, and the other one to your side (dumbbells in hand) twist to one side, lifting that knee up while bringing your elbow down to meet in front of you. return to standing and repeat. cat crunch - in a plank position, begin with arching your back and pulling your knee towards your face while contracting your abs. fully extend your leg back, using both your abs and your low back moving as slowly as possible. cinch it - in a plank position slowly rotate your hips side to side while keeping your shoulders in line above your elbows on the mat. be sure to touch your hip on the ground before changing direction! plank kicks - hold a plank position for a 5 count, then lift one leg slightly up and hold for 5, kick it out to your side and hold for 5, then bring it back in and hold for 5 before dropping it back down to the ground. repeat for each side. tabletop crunch - a 3 part crunch move, begin on your back with your legs in tabletop position. with your dumbbell in your hands, crunch up and place the dumbbell on top of your shins being careful not to let it fall. slowly lay back down before crunching back up to take the dumbbell and lay back down extending your legs straight out in the air! basic crunches - on your back, lift your shoulders off the ground by contracting your core. the butterfly - sitting up balancing on your bum, slowly flutter your legs, bringing one heel to the ground while the other is lifted up to eye level and alternate!